Lil E's first birthday is just around the corner. She is about to take her first steps, has started to talk, and there are so many incredible things that I was thrilled to be home to get to see her do. Here comes the curveball...
I recently found out I have to return to work, after spending almost an entire year home with my baby. I could barely breath when I heard this news. I've spent the last few days crying my eyes out. Things were going so well and life was just where I wanted it to be. Why did this happen? I say everything happens for a reason, yet I can't quite figure out this one.
After an extensive, high-pressure search, we think we have found a babysitter. She'll be coming by tomorrow for a trial run. I realize some moms enjoy working, I am not one of them. I break down every time I think of the idea of leaving her with someone else 40 hours a week. I know there are worse things in the world and after being so angry, upset, and anxious, I am finally comes to terms with the idea that this is actually happening. I am so fortunate I was able to spend every single minute of the first year of my daughter's life with her. I think there is more separation anxiety on my end than hers because lately besides, tutoring, a shower or wedding here and there, I have never been away from her. I wish I didn't have to leave her, but financially it is our best and only option. Babies are resilient, I know she'll adjust.
The question is, will I?